I've been working on a practice lately that has really challenged my ability to memorize, sing, play musical instruments and visualize all at once. And of course, none of that is actually the practice. I've been working towards this practice for over a decade, with all the predicatble obstacles as pavers on the road to "now."
It's been delightful to experience this mountain of frustration again. I remember in Ngondro, years ago, trying to memorize the hundred syllable mantra, thinking I'd never get it. Now I could say it while dialing voice mail. (No, I don't.)
The practice, I am reminded, is not so much what I do when I am sitting at my pecha table, all those dharmic doo dads dangling. It's what I do when I feel really supremely irritated and the practice pops into my mind. Or, of course, sometimes it's what I don't do. And what I do when I see that, is, or can be, practice, too.
I am glad to do this. To get it wrong, to leave out key pieces of the 13 visualizations, to screw up the tune--because once last week when I was hopping mad, I actually laughed out loud.
Thanks to all the people who did this practice in the last thousand years so it's around for dabblers like me, right here and now. I mean that from the bottom of my heart--I love you all.